Cute that needs a date

I'm a 20 year old hobbit that needs to find his swwethard.I want a Russian girl about 3 meters tall and a bit less than 900 kilos.I want her to now how to make an apple pie and how to feed it to me. I'm not an adventures guy so idon't want a girl to like adventures.Although i want her to be strong and protect me from danger and then calm me down in a niceway!!!!I'm not the tallest or the strogest guy ever but i have inside talents.I like to stay in my little house and have fun watching scary movies and then start crying.I have black hair and I'm not really fat.When i get really mud i can even beat up a dragon with one hand. NOT!!!!
If you are interested call 99999666and these is my email
Bilbolikescookies@hotmail.com